I just watched the movie Spotlight. And I got emotional and cried for all the victims. And j got pissed and angry at all those who stood by. And I sat looking at articles on the Internet. And I am still here trying to reconcile so much ... Evil.
I think about the systemic acceptance and complacency by so many people, which lead to thousands upon thousands of children being abused across the world, and think how, why? I think about my time in NY and my peak inside the church. I think about the magnitude of this through decades and probably the history of the church in some form. Then I think this has to have some relevancy to other religions, to other institutions. My mind turns to Penn State and how Joe Paterno had to have known. How many other situations like this are out there? What other harms are being done to innocents that others in positions of power are doing nothing about? What layers of truths are being hushed at the expense of children?
How do I protect my children in this world of thieves and rapists who have powerful liars and cowards that protect them?
And what about the children that don't have mommies and daddies that know how to protect them? My heart just breaks. How much pain there is in the world! how do you pray when there is so much wrong?
Both sets of parents want us to baptize. I can't reconcile being able to do that against these emotions. As a parent myself it is too disconcerting. I want my kids to know the bible, to know how to pray, to have a baseline of faith, but how do I take them to a place that has been known to not have their best interests at heart?
I've had my own doubts about the church for years, since I was a child. High school confirmation was when it really hit. Then I remember the scandal breaking my senior year of college. It was tragic but I was a bit removed. It pained me but I couldn't relate or process. Now I relate in a whole new realm.
I have so much more to say but am terribly tired. Sleep beckons.
From all this, one question will plague me. What is going on now, in my life, that I am not seeing?
