I am so lucky. Even in times of great fear and doubt I know that I am so loved and taken care of. It is such a strange, complex emotion that I am overwhelmed in both sadness and love. I fear for my job and the sinking feeling that I am failing. Failure is not a trait that I rejoice in. And yet I can't bring myself to make it work, or to even figure out how to make it work. Everything just slips through my fingers and crashes to the floor. I want nothing more than to be successful, yet this job drains the spirit in my which I use to drive my success. It makes me numb and lazy. I miss feeling alive and inspired. I have to stay put, I cannot leave it or find a new one, I must keep it for the baby. At least seven more months, somehow I must not get fired. Lord, if you may, grant me the strength to stay afloat. Amen.