A little bit better but Marc is still a miserable person to be around. 

-snuggles with my Frankie baby in the am

-starting to feel confident in my job again

-June cleaning up the books and sharing with mom. 

Doing soooo much better

Doing well all around. Loving and laughing and living alright. Some photos from thanksgiving below. 

I took the day off

Junebug got time with mom today. And she was so happy. I didn't realize how badly she needed some mommy one on one time. And I loved it too. Frank is A-ok and I can't feel any luckier. We are all going to make it. 

Marc is in a depression but he doesn't fully realize it. He's not handling change very easily. Even though things need to change because that's the way life is with an infant and a toddler who are constantly changing and growing, the very mention of anything throws him into a rant or a rage. The littlest things set him off too, like spilling some formula. 

He's drinking too much too, nearly every night but he doesn't realize it- and when I say nearly every night I mean to a DRUNK state. 

Min should be more worried but I know him. He doesn't handle change well and he drinks when he's depressed. 

Our life is one big constant ball of change and he is depressed. There's less time for his stuff (I have virtually zero time) meaning his games, his tennis. His freedom. More to clean, more to do, more to spend. It's all a mess right now. 

But I love him. And I know we will be ok. I know we will get through this. 

Every day is a catastrophe

Every.damn.day

Catastrophe. 

How to make a life

Of this. 

My heart sinks deeper

Every.damn.day

Now I'm supposed to come up with three good things from today. 

-Frank seems to have survived 

-I am having thoughts of killing myself, again. 

-I won't kill myself because that would be a shit thing to do to my kids. As much as I fear I am being a shit parent, I know doing that would be worse- for them. 

Life is a tornado. Every day. I hate a lot right now. But I love my kids. Just wish I could see them more. Work is a battle. Life is a battle. I don't see my kids enough but they bring me true joy. 

-Frank snuggles and giggles

-feeling for a fleeting moment like I got this

-Marc and I connecting for the first them in a long time. 

The week of too much

And it's still going. Full week back at work. Transition is hard on all of us. Going to my first UT football game Saturday so really it's a six day work week. Then there's Trump. I don't want to write all the feelings here but it is just as awful as it could be and feel. And my parents voted for him. All six of us are reeling and trying to process. 

My three...

June 

Marc 

Frank 

And my boss, Edna.

Remember this

So little and snuggly even though your eyeballs feel like they are tied to anvils. 

Marc's feeling good. I am feeling tired but happy he's happy.

Marc says "November 3rd has been a great day"

-successful panel discussion 

-potential investor

-turning the lights back on the Mosie store and doing about $1,000 in revenue in one hour

-popping open an umbrella and watching June's face light up

Work is working ok

Two days back, not full days tho. Marc still has my help in afternoon/evening but less in morning as I try to get myself out the door. I miss snuggles with my little guy. I miss holding him. But we will all make it through this somehow. 

-feeling like I can do this

-I got out of work early and home to snuggle my guy

-June asking grandma via FaceTime: are you pooping?