Today

Called Suzanne. Not great conversation but at least I have some clarity. She has some deep resentment built up toward me. I will be surprised if we ever have any sort of relationship again. She told me I was a manipulator and controlling. I have never been called that before in my life. I know I am many things good and bad but I honestly have never been called that before and don't feel that it is true. I am deeply, deeply saddened by all of this... Our current state, our "relationship" if it can be called that. But I want to remember other things from today, New Year's Eve 2015. 

Peeling that forgotten hidden piece of protective plastic off the tv. 

Hanging out with my husband and going to bed at 10 pm and having great snuggles and words of love. 

Our 2 min bang session midday

Hanging out with Laura in our workout outfits shopping. 

Laughing with Mamie. 

My lesson learned today - finding Unbroken

It was so close this entire time. I literally could have been touching it at one point. I gave up too easily. It was right there the whole day and I succumbed to the comforts that self- failure brings, a comfort in the certainty that you know you're own fate. Having faith is scary. Continuing on with hope is scary. Giving into failure is easy. It is natural. It is what comforts me. I know this now. Let this be my lesson. I must push on. I am so close, so close I could be touching it without knowing. I can't give up, not now nor ever. 

Christmas approaches

Dinner with parents and in laws- fun night

Afternoon nap and snuggles with my June 

Skype call with Dina Audrey and Eleanor 

Hugs and giggle from my June

The thought of loving and snuggling another little bug, a new baby growing in my womb. 

Gratitude

Is often hard to come by when we need it most. 

I love our little house, our little lives, our day to day. But it seems that when I pray, I pray for so much more, so that one day this goes away and grows to be ... more. And in a sense my prayers are answered. Our little lives are growing bigger as one more grows inside me. A new addition to our little house, and our little lives, I hope provides so much more. I am grateful for this life, that I live and that lives in me, this little house that's so right and cozy and home for me, and for all that goes in between welcome and unforeseen. Tonight on a night when I want so much more I want to forget that and just be in gratitude. It is so hard and scary to do. To say that this is enough, but it is. And when I do, I am so scared that I will lose it. All because I gave gratitude for it. It's silly, I know, but gratitude I am learning is really hard to do. 

Mosie is live

As of yesterday midday Mosie web site is live